Discover How to be Happy in Your Midlife Divorce Relationships

Post Divorce relationships and break-ups in general are almost always complicated. Divorce is no respecter of age, and can bring a double dose of complications to women over 40 or 50.

Creating positive relationships after a breakup can be more difficult to cultivate because the hurt of the past tends to make us shrink back and withdraw from others. Some women feel like time is running out to find another love.

The after effects of midlife divorce can impact all of your relationships; your ex-spouse, your children, your step-children, your friends, your ex-in-laws, your business partnerships, and even your ex's new partner. This is a crucial time to work on these relationships so they don't cause needless suffering.

How do you view your divorce relationships? Is it a door that closed or one that is opening up a whole new world? Of course how you answer this question will determine how happy you will be.

The good news is you don't have to give up on the hope of having a happy life after a divorce. Instead of stressing yourself out, these simple tips will help you to cope, or even flourish, in your post divorce relationships.

It's okay to be sad at first. Although you want to do your best to remain strong, it is unrealistic to ignore your feelings of pain and confusion. In fact, taking the time to acknowledge the situation will really help your healing process and enable you to build strong post divorce relationships. Remember that there is a fine line between accepting the divorce and dwelling on it, so try to set a reasonable time frame to allow you to work through the negative feelings that accompany the divorce.

Don't beat yourself up. Divorce happens, and it doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you’re a failure. Just because you are divorced, it doesn't mean you are any less of a person, and it definitely doesn't mean you won't fall in love again. Although you may be tempted to constantly over analyze the divorce and work through all of the possible options of what you could have done differently, you owe it to yourself to leave the past in the past. Instead of feeling like a failure, allow the experience of the divorce to help you in your future post divorce relationships.

Get out of your comfort zone. You are an amazingly wonderful person, and you deserve to have a happy fun life. Instead of isolating yourself, get out and have fun. Do something you’ve never done before. Learn something new. You may be surprised at how much better you feel once you take that leap of faith. Having a hobby can work wonders for your self esteem. However, instead of sitting in your house and knitting a new winter wardrobe, try to take up a hobby where you can get out and meet people and learn something new. Starting over can mean opening yourself up to meeting all kinds of new people and discovering a wide range of interesting experiences.

Don’t become a victim. Yes, it is normal, and even healthy to mourn the loss of your marriage. But what happens when you become your sad story? When you wallow in your pain and prolong it by telling your breakup story to all you friends and everyone you meet over and over again you are putting yourself in the role of a victim. It is not possible to be happy when you’re in the victim mentality.

Forgive your Ex. You cannot go about creating positive post divorce relationships if you are hanging on to bitterness and anger at your ex. It doesn’t matter what he did or didn’t do. It doesn’t matter that you were right and he was wrong. Nothing he did or didn’t do can matter more than your happiness. AND you can’t be happy and hold on to blame or anger at the same time. It’s just not possible. So you have to make a choice. Is being happy more important than keeping the anger and hurt alive?

Don’t make friends and family choose sides. Once you've gone through a divorce, relationships with your old friends can often become complicated. Joint friends will take their cues from you and your ex. If you are bitter or uncomfortable you can be assured that your friends will feel the same and will be forced to take sides. Avoid talking badly about your ex behind his back; this will only alienate your friends. You may lose friends in the fallout and that is okay too. Anyone who doesn’t stand by you during this difficult time may not be the friend you thought they were.

Getting over a relationship is difficult on everyone, especially children. No matter if your children are older or younger, it may be a good idea to try and have a cordial relationship with your ex because it will prevent your children from feeling that they have to choose sides.

Look ahead. While you may think it’s sad to let go of the hopes and dreams you once had for your life; it may actually be a blessing. What holds many of us women back is that we focus on what is lost instead of on what’s ahead of us. Yes, we may have to give up some of what we had - our partner, our home, or even our friends; but what will you be gaining? What if you find a new partner who meets more of your needs? What if you find a better home or new friends who will inspire you and share your new dreams? What if you have more time for yourself to figure out what you really want?

Make peace with dating again. Once the divorce is over, new relationships may seem scary and intimidating. But dating over 40 is becoming more common and there are many avenues available to meet new people. If you’re anxious about dating again, try doing things that create a more comfortable environment such as double dating with another couple or having a more casual first date like going out for coffee or to a sporting event.

Have realistic expectations and just enjoy the experience. Try to remember that you can casually date without wanting to commit to something serious right away. Depending on how long you and your ex were married, it may feel awkward going out with another man, however, just take it slow and don't put too much pressure on yourself. And above all, remember to have fun because you really do deserve it.

Letting go of a relationship can be hard; but when one door closes another one opens. Post divorce relationships can thrive and bring great joy if you just keep that door open.

Learn how to make your divorce relationships thrive by visiting this award winning Divorce Resource Kit.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.~ Helen Keller