Learn how to be happy
Despite dealing with adult children living at home
Dealing with adult children who are still living at home is another challenge many of us have in midlife. As we get older we tend to deal with changes in our lives in a completely different way. These changes can sometimes be worrying and difficult to deal with. This does not need to be the case; parenting adult children and all the situations that arise if they are living with you can be easy. You will simply need to take a step back and realize that there are solutions to all of the problems, even though you may be feeling overwhelmed. Here are some general guidelines. 5 Basic survival tips for parenting adult children living at home:- Stop parenting. Your adult children don’t need you in this role any more. What’s your new role going to be? What do they really want from you? What do you really want from them?
- Set ground rules. Let them know what you expect of them. Do you want them to chip in money, do their own laundry, or cook their own meals? Parenting adult children requires different rules than parenting young kids. Be specific about your expectations and learn what their expectations are.
- Don’t judge. Your kids aren’t supposed to take the same road you did or have the same views or ideas on what constitutes a happy life. Don’t let your vision for their life get in the way of their own vision.
- Appreciate them. Sometimes it’s not always easy to like your children when you’re living in close quarters and you're focusing in on their bad habits. Take time to think about the things you love and admire about them and share these things with them.
- No martyrdom. If you give to your children, do it out of love and support without feeling like a victim. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself or your needs when dealing with adult children. If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, how much of that is your responsibility? Are you enabling this behavior? Are you suffering in silence or are you having the important discussions with your kids?
It is always difficult if your adult children have to move back into your home, whether it is because they are on a break from college or for financial reasons. You have to understand that they feel awkward as well; they are no longer children but adults themselves.
You must set boundaries with them; outline rules yet don't treat them as children. Give them responsibilities around the house and remember to give them privacy as much as possible. Although they are now adults and want to do their own thing they will need to respect they are in your home. Although you will always worry about your children, when they are adults you need to learn to let go. This is the hardest thing to do as a parent, but it is what you’re supposed to do. They will learn quicker and more about life if left to make their own choices and mistakes. You can guide them but don't push. Discuss any problems you have as they arise and don't let them get worse. You have to find a good way of dealing with emotional problems as they can cause greater problems if left unresolved. Ensure that your relationship with your spouse doesn't get affected; dealing with adult children can put a strain on you both. Ensure that you still have your time together and don't become a full time caregiver to any grandchildren that may have come back with your kids. By every member of the family discussing problems as they arise and dealing with all emotions and feelings you will not just survive, but you and your kids will thrive. You have to think positively and help your children get back on their feet, and gain their independence. Dealing with adult children can actually become one of the greatest joys in your life - whether your kids are still living at home or thousands of miles away. The roles may change, but this relationship will always be a huge part of who you are.
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ENJOY!
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
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